It was a chilly December afternoon and the family of Home Alone was getting ready to go ice skating. People were running up and down the hall, shoes and bags scattered all over the place. The excitement and chaos was too much for poor Uncle Frank. Sitting on the couch, he groaned in annoyance, grumbling about the noise and the disarray, but eventually, he succumbed to exhaustion. The house buzzed with activity, but to Frank, it all became white noise. Slowly, his eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep amidst the hustle and bustle.
The family had a wonderful time ice skating, well except when Buzz pushed over Kevin, but as usual Kevin’s complaining was ignored and the family was having too much fun to notice that someone was missing…
Uncle Frank woke up at approximately 4:37pm, two hours after he was supposed to depart for the rink. He blinked, disoriented from his nap and wandered to the kitchen for an afternoon snack. Frank glanced around, half-expecting to see the family rushing in from the garage, but no one was around. He was all alone in the house, the chaotic buzz of earlier replaced by an eerie stillness. His first instinct was to call out, but he quickly silenced himself. No point in looking for them. They’ll be back soon. He thought, though he wasn’t entirely sure when. He wasn’t particularly fond of ice skating- or spending money- so he was content with staying in the big house.
In the meantime, he’d try to get something out of this situation. If he couldn’t ice skate, maybe he could raid the fridge. There was always good food at the McAllister house.
(add funny bit about frank singing )
But as he began looking for food, something caught his eye. The front door was slightly ajar.
“Those jerks must have left the door open,” he muttered. He walked over to the door and as soon as he closed it he heard a little whimper.
“I told you not to leave the front door open, Marv!”
“But it would make it much easier to get out! Then we don’t have to burn our hands on the doorknob!”
“You didn’t even touch the doorknob ! I still have the M on my hand!”
“Doesn’t matter now. The family must be back. Or worse. Kevin.”
The Wet Bandits! How could it be? Those two were put in jail two years ago. Frank was frozen in fear, his heart skipping a beat.
Making his way to the garage, he shuffled along the wall, scared to make a sound. Unfortunately, he slipped on a puddle of water that melted from the kids boots and fell to the ground with a loud- THUD!
Shocked and in pain, Frank laid on the ground in agony.
Maybe they should just kill me, he thought. I’m in my fifties and I still don’t have my dream condo yet, which means I’ll never get one.
He heard footsteps and eventually came to his senses to at least sit up so he could have some final words before getting shot. He had a lot to say about the IRS. Rubbing his head, he looked up.
And he was face to face with Harry and Marv.
Frank shook with fear, clutching a miniature Tball bat he had brought with him.
“Wow Kevin’s really grown!”
“Would you shut up Marv?” Harry glared at Marv, like he discovered a new species of rodent. His eyes darted around the room, looking for a solution to his newly found problem.
Soon Frank realized, These guys are idiots, and dropped the bat.
Harry seemed to be panicking while Marv stared blankly at Frank, not a thought in that once electrocuted brain.
“Great. Just great. Now we have another person we have to deal with. First the little brat and now an angry grandpa. Maybe we better run now.”
Frank paused, having an idea. “Wait wait wait, you hate Kevin too?”
This seemed to throw Harry off guard. “Yeah, yeah of course we hate the kid. He’s nearly killed us a million times.”
“Harry’s right! We’ve tried to get him so many times but he’s always outsmarted us! Our goal is to kill him before he puts us back in jail again and we can go rob other houses without fear!” Marc exclaimed, giving away the entire plan of the two idiots.
“Well,” Frank thought. “I could help.”
“We can’t kill him. He is my nephew after all. But we could send him to uh- boarding school?” Frank inquired, stroking his chin.
“Absolutely not! That kid’s a nutcase! They would send him right back and I’d be knee deep in tar or Kerosene before next Christmas! We have to kill him.”
“But how?”
Frank shot him a death glare. “This time, it’s different. I’ve got a foolproof plan!”
Harry raised an eyebrow. “Foolproof, huh? What’s the plan? Paintball guns?”
“No,” Frank said, shaking his head. “We lure him in with an old family recipe… Uncle Frank’s Famous Five-Layer Meatloaf.”
Marv stared blankly. “But.. does Kevin even like meatloaf? I’ve only ever seen that kid eat cheese pizza and ice cream.”
“Who cares!” Frank exclaims, his eyes gleaming with a touch of madness. “He’ll have to eat what his uncle makes him, or he’ll be in his room all night!”
Harry and Marv exchanged skeptical glances.
“Okay, so he eats the meatloaf. Then what? Is it poisonous or something?” Harry asked.
Frank paused. “No. Well, that’s where you two come in. You’ll be the distraction. I’ll sneak up from behind and—”
“Wait, wait,” Marv interrupted. “You want us to distract him so you can sneak up behind him… with a meatloaf?”
Frank narrowed his eyes. “It’s not just any meatloaf, Marv! It’s a murder meatloaf!”
“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can watch a kid choke on meatloaf. It’s inhumane.”
“Well Harry, we won’t actually kill him with a family dinner. More than likely the kid won’t eat it and he’ll be sent upstairs for the night. That’s when we’ll get him.”
The time came for the plan to take place. The three stooges scrambled around, tripping over each other trying to get ready. Eventually Frank prepared the meatloaf, and Harry and Marv hid in the upstairs bedroom.
The family had gotten back from their adventures by 7:00pm. Most were too tired to eat, but Frank was able to convince a few to eat his famous meatloaf.
“Do I have to eat this?” Kevin complained.
Right on schedule, Frank thought, almost grinning to himself.
“Yes you do you little jerk. You have to enjoy my home cooked meal.”
Frank knew that this would make Kevin upset, which was exactly what he wanted.
“Absolutely not! I’d rather live in the sewers than eat that disgusting thing! Although if I lived there, I’d probably find this thing walking around down there and would have to run away,”
Kevin’s typical complaints, although normally would have brought a stern talking to, set his mother over the edge, since it had been such a long day ice skating.
“Kevin McAllister, you have no right to treat Uncle Frank like that! Go to your room!”
Yes! The plan was in motion!
Kevin drudged up the stairs slowly, giving plenty of time for Frank to alert the killers on his walkie talkie. Quickly, he rushed to the bathroom and told them Kevin was on his way, only receiving a slightly odd look from Kevin’s mother, who assumed the meatloaf caused more bathroom problems than normal.
As he opened the door, Kevin felt slightly annoyed but honestly relieved to be alone for a little while. His butt was in pain from the frequent falling on the ice.
“We gotcha this time Kevin!” Marv exclaimed, so loudly that Kevin screamed. Alas, his scream could barely be heard from downstairs, where the family was playing a rather rambunctious round of charades
Kevin was hardly surprised. He had heard the Wet Bandits- or Sticky Bandits had returned to his hometown the past couple months and had seen them in various shopping malls, always when he was with his mother or siblings. He was, however, confused how they got up to the attic.
Suddenly he felt the hot breath of someone behind him, and the putrid smell of badly cooked gravy.
“Hi Kevin,” Frank sneered.
Kevin screamed again and pushed Frank down the stairs without thinking. The next few moments were a blur. 911 coming to the rescue, all three Bandits rushed out the room. It’s almost as if Kevin knew they were coming.
Because no one could stop Kevin.
The end
The Mews 
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