Grandma Jo by Chyanne Hodges

It had been a tradition for many years in the Kelce family. Every year, exactly one week from
Christmas day, we gathered at Grandma Jo and Grandpa Kelly’s house for dinner and the white
elephant gift exchange. It was usually a great time for Cousins to see each other, the parents
reconnected, and Grandpa and Grandma got to celebrate with the family once more. This year
was different. In early March, Grandpa Kelly suffered a bad fall. He was rushed to the hospital,
but the slip had sent him into shock, and he never made it out. By the time Christmas prep rolled
around, Grandma Jo had decided she didn’t want to cook and host anymore.
Lucky for my mom, unlucky for my sister and I, we lived right across the street from my
grandparents. So, in true holiday spirit, my mom volunteered us to host. My mom spent weeks
prepping the house for our family. Not an inch of the place was dirty, and come celebration day,
there was enough food to feed a small army. It was shaping to be another exciting year. Little did
we know, Grandma Jo was about to unleash the demons of hell.
~~
“John,” my mother began. “Tell Elise, thank you.”
I gave a weak smile to my younger cousin. “Thanks.”
The kids had just finished the cousin’s white elephant. It was new this year. My mom had the
brilliant idea to exclude the children from the adult gift exchange, so that we could have more
“appropriate” gifts. She’s just mad that last year I won $100 dollars off of my uncle Rodger. But
now, it was time for the adults. As the kids all settled down to watch, the family gathered their
gifts.
“Okay,” Aunt Sara said. “Mom, where’s your gift?”
“My gift is a bit different this year. I’ll be going last and exchanging gifts with another.”
Grandma Jo said with a polite smile. The elder family members looked oddly at her. “Whatever
you say, Ma.” Uncle Roger said.
There were only eight gifts to exchange among the siblings and their spouses. My parents had
ended up with a new lawnmower and a free spa day. Aunt Sara got a new blender, her husband, a
new razor, Uncle Roger and his partner Matt ended up with magic snow globes, and finally, my
Uncle Marty received a new air fryer, and Aunt Macy got the $150. Once the exchange was
finished, they all turned to Grandma Jo.
Grandma looked at the family, a twinkle in her eye. “Wow, what good gifts this year. I hope
mine rivals in comparison.“ The adult let out a small round of laughter “John,“ my grandma said,
turning to me. “Would you help me out? The envelope is in my bag. Grab it and bring it here
please.” I stood quickly and returned her bag from the kitchen. Envelope in hand, I headed over
to her. “ Open it up for me, dear.” She instructed.
I opened the envelope and pulled out the contents. It was tickets? And receipts? My grandma
pointed to the tickets. “What’s that say?“
“Cabo?” I read.
“Good. And that?” She pointed to another slip of paper.
“Paid in full?“
“Wow, aren’t you smart, Johnny boy?“ Grandma Jo pinched my cheeks and turned back to my
family. “A fully paid trip for Valentine’s Day. Now, who has the best gift?“
Immediately, there was yelling. Shouts of need, want, and blabber run out. Each adult argued
over who could give Grandma the best deal, who deserved the trip, and who was the favorite. It
was madness. And Grandma Jo just watched.
It was Uncle Roger, who threw down the gasoline. “Well, Matt and I don’t have kids, so we
are really the only ones who can go.“
The room was silent for a minute before my mom spoke. “That’s not true! The trip is in two
months. We can make plans.“
“Exactly,” Macy chimed in. “I think Marty and I should go because we never got a
honeymoon.“
My mother snorted. “Yeah, because you were in the middle of a custody battle with Mike.“
My aunt Macy’s face paled. It was still a sensitive subject, her first divorce. I didn’t really know
why she still got upset about it. They ended it on good terms.
“Well,” she said shakily. “I was being there for my kids and now we deserve a break. You and
Jack went to Greece, Rodger and Matt spent three weeks in LA, and Sara and Sam left their kids
for a week in Paris. Marty and I could use some us time.”
It was Sara, who decided to light the flame. “A trip to Cabo won’t solve your marital
problems, Macy. Try not sleeping with your boss next time.“
Macy let out a gasp, and Uncle Marty’s face dropped. My parents looked like their eyes were
going to pop out of their heads. Roger and Matt fell silent. The whole room felt stiff as we
watched Aunt Macy.
After a moment, she spoke with a blaze in her eyes. “Have you told Sam about your gambling
problem yet? Last weekend she blew 500 dollars at the casino. And when we went to Vegas two
years back, she lost almost 10 grand. I know you’re still making payments!“
“Sara!” Uncle Sam shouted. “ you told me you paid $300 a month to charity!” Aunt Sara
shrunk in on herself.
“Well, neither of you clearly deserved the trip,” Roger spoke, looking smug.
“Don’t act so innocent, Roger“ my mother said. “How’s AA going? Or should I say how’s the
bar visit every week holding up? Everyone knows you’re AA metals are fake“
“Rodger, what?” Uncle Matt yelled. “You told me you’ve been getting better!”
“Matt, please. I can explain. It’s not what it seems.”
But Uncle Matt had already stormed out of the front door. Roger got up to follow, but paused
and pointed at my mother.
“Lucy broke Dad‘s urn, bought a new one from Amazon, and filled it with potting soil.”
Then, he too left the house.
I had never seen my family so distraught. They were yelling, crying, pleading. They looked
crazy. Over a trip? I turned to Grandma Jo with white eyes. She was simply laughing to herself.
Noticing my stare, she leaned in. “Dearest Johnny,“ she whispered. “Aren’t they crazy?“ I
nodded my head.
“Well,” my grandma spoke out loud to the family. “What a mess I’ve created.“ Everybody
still. “It seems we’ve all been keeping secrets. Shall I share a few of my own? I’ll be taking
none of you to Cabo. I’ll be going with a friend of mine. You know Caleb?”
“The pool boy?” Aunt Macy asked.
“Yes,” Grandma Jo giggled. “Let’s just say he’s very thorough in his cleanings.”
A very loud THUNK was heard as my mom fainted. She quickly stirred as my dad, Ben, tried
to help her. “I think,” my dad said. “You should all go home.”
As everyone left, gathering kids and dishes, I couldn’t help but sit in shock. It was certainly a
Christmas to remember.